WHY PARENTS DRINK
A father passing by his son’s bedroom  was astonished to see
that his  bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw
an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed
to “Dad”. With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend
because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding
real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.  But I knew you
would not approve of her because of all her piercing’s, tattoos, tight
motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion…

Dad she’s pregnant.  Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood
for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana
doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and
trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine
and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science
will  find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.
She deserves it.  Don’t worry Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care
of  myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so
that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love,

Your Son, John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s  house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse
things in life than a report card, that’s in my center desk drawer I
love you. Call me when it’s safe to come home.